Redemption--Full Circle.

Many people have asked or wondered WHY we are going through the process of adopting a child or sibling group. We firmly believe that adoption is something you have to feel called to. The route we have chosen to take is not, by any means, "easy." It is not a "simple" way to expand our family, nor is it going to be painless or a cakewalk. We know that this road will be paved with steps of faith, requiring us to keep our eyes on Jesus for guidance and direction on a daily basis. It will require desperation and a hunger for His will for our family. Our days are filled with such anticipation! But it is also bittersweet; for the child who will join our family, has a birthmother--a role I (Kirsten) know all too well. Many of you know my story, but for those who don't, here is a glimpse into why I personally feel blessed to be a part of this journey. :)



1998. Freshman in college. Private Christian University. Boyfriend was a youth ministries major. Spring break. Oops! 3 weeks later--positive pregnancy test. My world as I knew it was flipped upside down. I found out I was pregnant during Spring Quarter at NNU. By this point I was only 6 weeks pregnant and I had been throwing up nonstop for 3 weeks. My boyfriend was completely freaked out and immediately broke off the relationship. I was 18 years old, pregnant at a conservative college that I was on scholarship to as a pre-med major, and my youth-pastor-to-be boyfriend dumped me. Not exactly the life I had planned out for myself! The next 4 months were filled with nothing but pure agony. I was extremely sick...I mean EXTREMELY sick......had to leave college midway through the semester, and my family was devastated. I want to be very clear in saying that my immediate family was very supportive of me from the beginning. As hard as it was for them, they loved me for who I was and saw past my failures to support me as their daughter and sister. I am so grateful for this undeserved and unconditional love! But the situation was still very difficult to deal with. About 4 months into the pregnancy, I began to feel like adoption was a route I wanted to consider. I only have one sibling--a sister who is 5 years younger, and my parents had adopted her at birth. What I knew of adoption had nothing but a positive connotation for me. After a few days, I picked up the phone and dialed the agency (New Hope in Seattle). I spoke to a wonderful counselor who drove down to meet with me and in NO WAY pressured me or made me feel like adoption was my only option. By the end of that month I had decided on adoption and was given a few different profiles of prospective adoptive parents for my baby. I knew right away which couple was for me. My parents, sister, and I all looked at them independently, and amazingly all agreed on who we thought would be best! I love how God works out details! I met them shortly after and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were the parents of my unborn baby. As much as I wanted to be the baby's mother, I knew that I couldn't fill the roll of both a Mom and a Dad. But even more than that, God used this time to draw me back to Him. To humble me. To convict me. To shower His abundant love on me. It was truly incredible.

December 18, 1998 at 3:43 AM, 12 days overdue, Andrew Paul was born. He was a perfect little baby and the memories I have of the few days I had with him are literally beyond words. God did a huge work in my heart in those days, and I cherish the precious memories that I have with that precious baby. Handing him over; placing him into Patti's arms in the hospital and then turning and walking out that door was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. My heart literally felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. It was excruciating.....but I have to say that I had peace the entire time. Peace of knowing I was in God's will. Peace that it was all going to work out and that my heart would someday heal. Peace that he was going to be okay. And absolute peace and confidence in Mike and Patti, Drew's Mom and Dad. They are amazing parents to him. Along with Mike and Patti, we agreed upon an "open adoption." This means that we send each other pictures and letters, we catch up on the phone, and see each other every couple of years.

Fast forward 3 years. Micah and I met during a summer when I was home from college between my Jr. and Sr. year. We fell in love, got married, and I never went back for that 4th year. Darn boys! :) Mike and Patti brought Drew to our wedding, and many of my extended family were able to meet him for the first time. I think a lot of healing took place that day.

Micah and I have now been married for 7 1/2 years and have 2 precious children between us: Caleb Johnathen and Caitlyn Amaria Grace. We love them dearly.

So here we are now---August 2009. My little Drewbug will be 11 (!!!!!) years old this year. I've felt a tugging at my heart off and on over the years. A tug towards adoption. I know that part of this tugging I've felt is God's way of showing me His redeeming love. Would I adopt a baby just because I gave one up and feel like I deserve it? NO. Do I think that there are women out there who are broken and hurting and unable to care for their children? Yes. Am I the perfect Mom? Um, NO. But I do know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and I count it an absolute blessing to be able to love whatever child is placed in our home. I can't wait. I know that I will probably break down into a puddle of tears and feel absolutely humbled that I even have the opportunity to love on one of God's precious children. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that when I see that baby, I will be seeing a glimpse of redemption. Of grace. Of adoption coming full circle.

New Adventures

I know that it has been quite a while since I updated our blog, and I must admit that "blogging" feels a little bit intimidating to me. As much as I try to articulate exactly what I'm thinking, I often feel like like I lack the eloquence and "flow" when it comes to writing. With that being said, I still enjoy jotting down brief glimpses of our family life and saying that I am intimidated is a lousy excuse for not just attaching a few photos and writing a few simple words to keep our friends and family updated on our lives. :)

The next couple months are going to mean big changes for our family. As many of you know, we moved to Centralia about 18 months ago after being in Tacoma for over 10 years. We have spent these months focusing on spending time together as a family, as well as praying and seeking God for wisdom and direction for our lives. I won't take the time to go into all the details here, but our marriage and relationships with those dear to us have been incredibly strengthened in the past year. Micah continues to work at Maple Lane, which he absolutely loves. Though it is challenging and stretching, he truly enjoys working there and hopes to continue to advance there as well. I continue to work VERY part time for the Nursing Department at Centralia College, as well as doing some photography on the side. Caleb just finished Kindergarten and Centralia Christian School, and Caitlyn just spent the last year home with us.

So, there you have it. A brief summary of the past year. Now here is what lies ahead.......

Several months ago, our church held a class on a recently published book called "Crazy Love." We really feel like God used this to wake us up! There are things He has spoken to our hearts for years.....vision for youth restoration, vision for adoption, vision for a large family......but ALL things that have seemed to be outside our grasp. Things that seemed either too hard, too costly, or just plain impossible. In many ways, our vision had died. Lost somewhere between our selfish desires of not wanting to sacrifice anything we had to see the vision fulfilled, and the fear that if we did step out of our comfort zone we would fall completely flat on our faces, we retreated. Thankfully, God had a different plan. :) I am so grateful that in our weakness, He is strong! I am thankful that he uses things in our lives to get our attention and not allow us to settle for less than He wants for us! I am thankful that He uses our circumstances to remind us that He is sovereign, all-knowing, and all-powerful! Through some different times of prayer we had over the course of reading "Crazy Love," our fire was re-ignited and our excitement to see God's promises fulfilled was elevated to a level we haven't known before. We sensed that some things were going to be happening very quickly and that we were to be ready! So, this is where the changes are happening....we are moving into a house at the end of the month and could not be more excited! It has FIVE bedrooms, as well as a perfect space for one of our other changes----homeschooling! Together, we are planning on homeschooling both of the kids starting this fall. Though we have A LOT to learn, we are so excited to be a part of this adventure together. :) As many of you also know, for several years we had been wanting to adopt a child, and had progressed quite far in the process, but had stopped pursuing it shortly after Caitlyn was born. We feel like God is saying, "NOW! GO!" and that is both exciting and overwhelming for us! The kids (Caitlyn especially) ask about when a baby is going to come live at our house, and it is fun to be able to tell them, "soon!" We originally thought that we would only adopt one child, but we are actually open to and excited about adopting a sibiling group! With that in mind, and the fact that our car only seats 5 (4 comfortably), we bought a Suburban a couple of weeks ago! Now, we don't plan on adopting 6 children in the next year, but we are also open-minded and apparently ready for one or more children to join our home. :) Again, I am thankful that God knows my lack of confidence and the hesitation I have to take giant leaps of faith towards vision that seems so far out of reach. He has been so good to whisper words of affirmation and "you can do its" into my ear during the exact moments I've needed a confidence booster.

Practically, we are going through a training refresher next month, and hope to have a baby (or sibling group) placed in our home by sometime this fall.

We are so excited for this next season in our lives. Excited to see things come to fruition that have been in the back of our minds for years. Excited to school our kids at home as a team and to lean on each other for support and growth. Excited to pursue the vision Micah continues to have for the youth of this nation to be restored. Excited that God is asking us to be open to the size of our family! Yes, I'm excited about that! Not scared, or even intimidated, but excited at the thought of having a large family! Excited that Micah loves his job and has found a career that fulfills dreams and purpose for him. But most important, we are excited that God is who He says He is, that His promises are "yes" and "amen," and that He has allowed us to be a microscopic piece of His puzzle. We covet your prayers as we step out in faith to pursue what we feel like God is asking us to do. We know that we are quite imperfect people and that we need much grace to cover those imperfections. Please pray for our protection, our peace, and that His presence would continue to be made known to us. Stay tuned for updates!