Clammin' and a ticket

A month or so ago, we went to Tolmie State park with all 4 of the munchkins. The trip was especially exciting for Caleb who noticed people digging in the sand on the hunt for clams. He tried his hand and dug up a few himself, but we were unsure of the shellfish laws and told Caleb we couldn't keep any because that would be dishonest. It was a tough lesson for him on integrity, but he made the right choice and put them back. We promised him we would take him clamming another time when we knew it was legal. ;) So after doing a little research, we found out that kids under 15 can take up to 40 butter/steamer clams a day from this beach and they do not need a license. A more thorough check on the Department of Health website affirmed that there were no health warnings in effect. SO, off we went to the beach. Caleb toted his little plastic yellow bucket and garden shovel. I CANNOT believe I didn't bring my camera!!! At least I captured some photos of his success: 11 steamer clams that he personally cleaned and steamed in garlic butter. He was SO proud of himself!

Trying the "neck."

Not so sure.....

"Hey Dad! Do you eat this black part?"

Don't they look *delicious?* ;)

Caitlyn trying her share...which she surprisingly loved!

Caleb shared a couple of his clams, but slurped down the rest himself. We just finished dinner about 1/2 hour ago, and he is already asking when we can go again. :)

Speaking of integrity, when we got back to our car we had a ticket on our window for not having a "discovery pass." Oops! We honestly did not know we needed to purchase one and the Park Ranger happened to be near our car when we returned to it. After a brief conversation with Micah, it somehow came up that we were foster parents. The ranger ripped up our ticket, handed it back to Micah and proceeded to thank Micah for our sacrifice as foster parents .

Even though that gesture probably seems like a small thing to most of you, the last few months have included many dark, challenging days with our Ellie and it blessed my heart to just know that someone recognized the challenge and the sacrifice we are making. As I've stated before, our hearts for foster care are not to receive accolades or pats on the back, but once in a while, when I've felt especially discouraged, it seems as though there have been strategic conversations and little words of encouragement that have kept us pressing forward. Today, that encouragement came in the form of clams and a ripped up ticket. <3

A rough day

I know I frequently post photos on facebook of the kids and our "happy moments"--trips to the beach, riding bikes, birthday parties, playtime with friends, etc. We have many happy times that I love to capture with my camera, and I also have a little journal where I write down the crazy (and embarrassing) things the kids say. :) And as much as I like to chronicle the positive things in our lives, like any family--the reality is, there are rough times too.

Yesterday was a hard day. A day that left me worn out. Sad. Hurting for my sweet Caitlyn. Here is what happened:

Caitlyn decided that she wanted to surprise me by making my bed....a challenging task for a teeny tiny like her. She asked me to leave my bedroom while she "worked on something." I stood outside the door for a minute and listened as she talked herself through the steps of making a bed. "Put on the sheet.......ugh! Ow! This is hawd (hard)! Get the blankets! After a minute or so of hearing her wrestle to get the sheets, blankets, duvet, duvet cover (yes it is July but we are still FREEZING!) up off of the floor and onto the bed, I smiled to myself and went downstairs, pleased with my baby girl and her tender heart. Ellie wanted to know what she was doing and went upstairs to help, but Caitlyn asked her to leave because she wanted to "do it by herself." Without much resistance, Ellie went into her bedroom which is next door to ours and I could hear her playing happily.

After about 15 minutes, Caitlyn came downstairs to get me, took me by the hand, and made me close my eyes while she led me upstairs. She was SO tickled to show me her surprise! But unfortunately, the next few minutes did not go as she had planned. After Caitlyn came downstairs to get me, Ellie, who was apparently mad at Caitlyn, went into our bedroom, pulled all of the sheets and blankets off of the bed, threw them onto the floor, and as Caitlyn opened the bedroom door to surprise me, there was Ellie, jumping on the heap of blankets on the floor mocking with the jingle "neener, neener, neener!" Caitlyn burst into tears and Ellie laughed harder. Caitlyn was heartbroken. I was heartbroken for Caitlyn.

I picked Ellie up, put her in her bed, and made her stay there for an hour. I knew that a time out wouldn't work. I knew that taking away a privilege wouldn't work. I knew that making her apologize to Caitlyn wouldn't work. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure what would work. I was at the end of my rope. If this was the first time something like this had happened, I might have had a little more patience. A little more grace. But this is something that happens pretty regularly and it is taxing on this Mama. After putting Ellie in her bed, I went back, picked up Caitlyn, and just held her while she cried. I ran my fingers through her hair and cried along with her. When kids hurt, Mommies hurt too. What Ellie had done was premeditated, and mean.

God has called us to this journey. It is not an easy one. Yes, it is rewarding. Yes, there is peace knowing we are in His will for our lives. But the reality still remains: this is HARD. Some days are harder than others. Some days we see a glimmer of hope and that glimmer is what keeps us pressing forward. We love Elliana dearly and are SO thankful she is going to be a permanent member of our family. But sometimes, when I am laying in bed and all my kids are sleeping, I question the cost. I have moments where I say, "Are you sure I have the patience and grace I need to do this, Lord? Are you sure I am capable? Do you really think I have what it takes to do this?" Thankfully, those moments are frequently followed by a word of encouragement, an applicable Bible verse I stumble upon, or a breakthrough I see in one of our kids.

I feel challenged today. Desperate for Jesus to give me strength and perseverance. Desperate for our little Ellie to know deep in her heart that she is unconditionally loved and that we will never abandon her or treat her any different than our other kids. We want her to feel safe. Secure. Cherished. Adored. Precious.

If you think of us, would you pray for us? We would continue to appreciate your prayers for strength, wisdom, and guidance as we try to fumble our way through this journey. God has been so gracious to entrust His us with these precious children and we can use all the wisdom we can get as we try to raise them for His glory. Thank you! <3

4th of July Celebration!

We had a jam-packed, super-fun, hot, wild, day! Micah started off by participating in the "SWAT challenge" at our local park. He placed 2nd for his age group! :) Meanwhile, the kids and I took ooey, gooey cinnamon rolls over to Woggie and Pop Pop's house for breakfast. We then spent time playing on the slip and slide, BBQing burgers and hot dogs, eating popsicles, and laying in the hammock! After lunch we headed downtown for the 4th of July parade where the kids loaded up their bags with all sorts of confectionary treats! After the parade, we headed up to some friends' house for yet another BBQ. We ended the night by watching fireworks with our friends, then stopping on the side of the road on the way home to watch the fireworks at the fairgrounds! :) A long, but fun day!