Waiting for Isaac

I will be the first to admit that I struggle with impatience. I do not like to wait....especially for things that are exciting! Christmas is easily my favorite holiday, but it takes a great amount of self control on my part to not give loved ones their gifts as soon as I can get them wrapped. I am not known for purchasing gifts far in advance, wrapping them right away, and placing them under the tree to gaze at for weeks. I'm more of a "buy it, wrap it, give it" kind of girl! ;) As we've been on this journey of adoption, there have been numerous little "snags" that have really stretched my patience level. It took longer than we had to expected to complete the training, homestudy, reference checks, background checks, interview, etc.....but here we are, officially licensed. Officially waiting to see what precious children will be joining our family. We received our legal license in the mail last week on Wednesday, so it has not even been a week yet....but I just wanted to share what God has been doing in me and our family.

Since we started this process in the fall, Micah and I had always been in agreement about the direction we felt God was leading us: to get our license specifically to 'Foster Adopt'--meaning we would only have children placed in our care who have a long term plan of adoption. Either they would have had biological siblings who had already been adopted by other families, or they were 'legally free' to be adopted. Neither of us ever felt like we were signing up to just do foster care or respite care (very short term care). We never vacillated from this direction, and in fact, proceeded ahead with great confidence that this was the route we were to take.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have really started to grow impatient. Though we didn't even receive our official license until last Wednesday, I have been nearly consumed by the details for several months....who are these kids? Where are they? God-please protect them! When will they be joining us? When, when, WHEN?! I knew that my anticipation was turning to impatience when I decided to "help" God out a bit. Though it wasn't something I did consciously, it played out like this:

Micah and I were driving up to Costco last week when I decided to let him know I was thinking he may not have made the best decision by 'limiting us' to Foster Adopt instead of just general Foster Care (my MISTAKE #1). My rationale was that often times people who are general foster parents (without the intent to adopt) end up with the option to adopt children placed in their care in the long run...."Honey," I said...."Don't you think we might be limiting God by only being willing to Foster Adopt? It is taking SO long! (remember, we hadn't even gotten our license in the mail yet at this point!) Don't you think we maybe should have said that we would be willing to just do foster care so that we would have kids placed with us sooner?!" (MISTAKE #2) At the time, I honestly felt like it would be YEARS before we had a child (or children) placed with us and I was just not willing to wait that long.

Micah, kindly, but with great conviction, looked at me and said, "We are NOT trading Isaac for Ishmael!" I knew exactly what he was saying. In the Old Testament, God had spoken to Abraham that he and his wife Sarah would have a son. Sarah, was well into her 90's at the time and she laughed when she heard that spoken (as I'm sure I would have too)! Instead, Sarah gave her servant Hagar to Abraham to bear a son for her, and that son's name was Ishmael. God LATER fulfilled what He had spoken to both Abraham and Sarah, and they conceived a son whom they named Isaac.

Micah's point was that we didn't need to act like Sarah and help God out by "expanding our options" and "making it easier for Him" to fulfill what He had spoken to us. God does not need our help! In fact, God usually prefers to glorify Himself by surprising us with HIS amazing plan, not our I-think-I-have-it-figured-out plan!

Foster Adopt is easily the least glamorous of ways to expand your family. We anticipate that it will be challenging, emotionally strenuous, and refining. However, we also know that God will carry us through the challenges we face and will strengthen us through the process. I am excited to testify to His faithfulness through this journey!

So here I am, just over a week later, and my patience continues to be stretched. HOWEVER, I trust God, and I trust His timing. I trust Micah as he seeks God in leading our family. We may wait days, or we may wait several more months. But the one thing I know for sure is this: whether it be in the form of a little boy, a little girl, or both--I am DEFINITELY waiting for Isaac.

And you thought YOU had a lot of laundry....

This is what happens when Daddy takes 2 weeks off of work and Mommy chooses to do no laundry during those 2 weeks. This clean pile literally took me HOURS to fold and put away, but it was worth it to have 2 weeks chore-free. :)

Bye-bye tooth!

Caleb lotht hith firtht top tooth thith fall! :) His friends must have wealthier parents than us because we were informed that the going rate for a top tooth was significantly higher than for a bottom tooth! And since he lost both front teeth within a few days of each other, his piggy bank grew and our bank account shrunk. He was graciously informed that the front teeth were special, but in order to have enough money for all of the other little kids in the world, he shouldn't expected more than $1 from the tooth fairy for the subsequent pearly whites that fall out.

Catching Up

Ok, ok....I know that I am REALLY behind. So here are some photos from last fall up until this week! :)

Caleb and Caitlyn both played soccer this fall.....Micah got to be Caleb's coach, and Caitlyn got to play on a team with several other little kiddos from church. Here are a few photos from the season!

Random Photo Guy

So, I knew when I married Micah that he was random, and when I say random I mean funny, and when I say funny I mean a little "off." (ha ha) There were many times when we were dating where we would be walking along, holding hands, just enjoying each other's conversation....then suddenly, Micah would be gone! He would drop my hand and dart away as if a car was going to run over us or something! At first I was offended...."Um, so you were just going to leave ME here to be run over by a car?!" ....until I realized that wasn't the issue. Micah was off being "random photo guy." Time and time again I'd find him jumping into the background of someone's family photo. There he was, in the background, either making a funny face, or sticking his finger up his nose. He thought he was HILARIOUS! And I thought he was HILARIOUS too! And of course by hilarious I mean funny, and by funny I mean weird, and by weird, I mean lame. He continued to engage in this behavior and I continued to just chuckle to myself. Well, 8 years have passed and I kind of forgot about "random photo guy," until I uploaded these pictures from our trip to the tree farm with my parents. I was trying to do them a favor by taking a nice picture for their Christmas card, but this, my friends, is what they ended up with.

Cuties

Aren't they just adorable?! :)

Redemption--Full Circle.

Many people have asked or wondered WHY we are going through the process of adopting a child or sibling group. We firmly believe that adoption is something you have to feel called to. The route we have chosen to take is not, by any means, "easy." It is not a "simple" way to expand our family, nor is it going to be painless or a cakewalk. We know that this road will be paved with steps of faith, requiring us to keep our eyes on Jesus for guidance and direction on a daily basis. It will require desperation and a hunger for His will for our family. Our days are filled with such anticipation! But it is also bittersweet; for the child who will join our family, has a birthmother--a role I (Kirsten) know all too well. Many of you know my story, but for those who don't, here is a glimpse into why I personally feel blessed to be a part of this journey. :)



1998. Freshman in college. Private Christian University. Boyfriend was a youth ministries major. Spring break. Oops! 3 weeks later--positive pregnancy test. My world as I knew it was flipped upside down. I found out I was pregnant during Spring Quarter at NNU. By this point I was only 6 weeks pregnant and I had been throwing up nonstop for 3 weeks. My boyfriend was completely freaked out and immediately broke off the relationship. I was 18 years old, pregnant at a conservative college that I was on scholarship to as a pre-med major, and my youth-pastor-to-be boyfriend dumped me. Not exactly the life I had planned out for myself! The next 4 months were filled with nothing but pure agony. I was extremely sick...I mean EXTREMELY sick......had to leave college midway through the semester, and my family was devastated. I want to be very clear in saying that my immediate family was very supportive of me from the beginning. As hard as it was for them, they loved me for who I was and saw past my failures to support me as their daughter and sister. I am so grateful for this undeserved and unconditional love! But the situation was still very difficult to deal with. About 4 months into the pregnancy, I began to feel like adoption was a route I wanted to consider. I only have one sibling--a sister who is 5 years younger, and my parents had adopted her at birth. What I knew of adoption had nothing but a positive connotation for me. After a few days, I picked up the phone and dialed the agency (New Hope in Seattle). I spoke to a wonderful counselor who drove down to meet with me and in NO WAY pressured me or made me feel like adoption was my only option. By the end of that month I had decided on adoption and was given a few different profiles of prospective adoptive parents for my baby. I knew right away which couple was for me. My parents, sister, and I all looked at them independently, and amazingly all agreed on who we thought would be best! I love how God works out details! I met them shortly after and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were the parents of my unborn baby. As much as I wanted to be the baby's mother, I knew that I couldn't fill the roll of both a Mom and a Dad. But even more than that, God used this time to draw me back to Him. To humble me. To convict me. To shower His abundant love on me. It was truly incredible.

December 18, 1998 at 3:43 AM, 12 days overdue, Andrew Paul was born. He was a perfect little baby and the memories I have of the few days I had with him are literally beyond words. God did a huge work in my heart in those days, and I cherish the precious memories that I have with that precious baby. Handing him over; placing him into Patti's arms in the hospital and then turning and walking out that door was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. My heart literally felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. It was excruciating.....but I have to say that I had peace the entire time. Peace of knowing I was in God's will. Peace that it was all going to work out and that my heart would someday heal. Peace that he was going to be okay. And absolute peace and confidence in Mike and Patti, Drew's Mom and Dad. They are amazing parents to him. Along with Mike and Patti, we agreed upon an "open adoption." This means that we send each other pictures and letters, we catch up on the phone, and see each other every couple of years.

Fast forward 3 years. Micah and I met during a summer when I was home from college between my Jr. and Sr. year. We fell in love, got married, and I never went back for that 4th year. Darn boys! :) Mike and Patti brought Drew to our wedding, and many of my extended family were able to meet him for the first time. I think a lot of healing took place that day.

Micah and I have now been married for 7 1/2 years and have 2 precious children between us: Caleb Johnathen and Caitlyn Amaria Grace. We love them dearly.

So here we are now---August 2009. My little Drewbug will be 11 (!!!!!) years old this year. I've felt a tugging at my heart off and on over the years. A tug towards adoption. I know that part of this tugging I've felt is God's way of showing me His redeeming love. Would I adopt a baby just because I gave one up and feel like I deserve it? NO. Do I think that there are women out there who are broken and hurting and unable to care for their children? Yes. Am I the perfect Mom? Um, NO. But I do know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and I count it an absolute blessing to be able to love whatever child is placed in our home. I can't wait. I know that I will probably break down into a puddle of tears and feel absolutely humbled that I even have the opportunity to love on one of God's precious children. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that when I see that baby, I will be seeing a glimpse of redemption. Of grace. Of adoption coming full circle.