One month ago today, I parted with the baby I thought was going to be part of our "forever" family.
One month ago today, I tried my best to explain to the other kids that God had a plan for Baby, and that plan was for him to live somewhere else.
One month ago today, I yelled at God and demanded understanding. I wanted to know WHY He would allow us such heartache after all we had invested into one of HIS precious children.
It's been one month, now. The flower arrangements different friends gave us have died, the little cards of encouragement have stopped, time has moved on, and our hearts have come to a place of acceptance. God doesn't ask us to LIKE everything that happens in our lives, but He asks us to TRUST that He will work all things for good for those who love Him. And since we love Him, we know that He is protecting us, keeping us safe, and doing what is best for us.
Our perspective has changed significantly in the past month. After 2 weeks, we ran into Baby and his new foster family at a public location. His foster mom brought him over to us and he immediately grinned from ear to ear at the sound of our voices. He recognized us. I climbed back into the car and burst into tears. I missed him. I wanted him back. Later that night I said to Micah, "You know that I am not going to be able to do this again, right? The only way I could EVER part with another baby EVER again is if God says we are to do this again, and I sure don't think He is!"
A lot has transpired from that moment until now. I have purposefully not blogged about it because I wanted to KNOW that I KNOW that what I am about to say was from God. After two weeks without budging, I am convinced.
God is asking us to risk all. Again. To open our hearts. To open our home. To welcome HIS precious children, and to trust Him. We now feel like we are to say "yes" to the children, whether there is a "strong chance" they will be adopted or not. God has asked us to be willing to also do short-term foster care, and to entrust our family to Him. He knows who will become permanent members of our family, and who will just be here for a short time. He is asking us to love with all of our hearts, and to show the children in our care the love He has for them. We will love them all as our own children, for however long that may be. And we will trust Him, even if that means the next 20 babies that enter our home end up leaving. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is in control of our lives. And I also have surrendered the right to understand. I know that when I am not surrendered to His will, I am miserable. Defeated. Hopeless. Angry.
Thankfully, THANKFULLY, God is seated on His throne, and He is faithful to complete the work He started in us. We do not know what the future holds for us, but we know that as long as we are surrendered to His will in our lives, we will have peace with where He takes us.
2 comments:
God is amazing! I am so thankful to be a witness to the journey that He has you on!
I keep your family in my prayers always!
Thanks so much for living transparently, friends. The Grace from Jesus never ends, just when we think we have no more, He fills our cup to overflowing. Thanks again for modeling Christ.
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